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In addition to the adjustment of having a new baby, and growing our family of three into a family of four, we have had to brace ourselves for another twist in the road, wherein my husband’s job is being eliminated less than two months after the baby was born. While my job will also be in jeopardy, likely in the next year, this development has a sense of real urgency. His income was the reason we could have a family, as it afforded us the ability to pay for daycare. Not only that, his work-from-home/travel schedule gave us the flexibility to make our lives with a child (now children) more workable. Beyond that, he outearned me by nearly double, and reducing our income to my paycheck alone was simply not going to cut it, no matter how hard we tried to save.

As my due date came and went, my husband was scrambling for interviews for jobs in his field. Many would require relocation, too few offered the salary we’d need to justify it, and the idea of having to move was stressing me out more than I could handle. There were two other options available to my husband at this juncture: go into insurance agency or go into business for himself. The prior would require a huge cash outlay on his part, and probably meant operating in the red for a good year or two, if and until things worked out for him as a franchisee. The latter, though seemingly more terrifying on paper, would be riskier, but also give him the flexibility we’d had previously, although having to front some upfront costs. The independent route meant he’d be in the driver’s seat in terms of doing business.

My husband assured me he wouldn’t take anything without me being on board. But I was so unsure about all of the ideas that were being thrown out, without really loving any of them enough. Not to mention the emotional toll that my postpartum depression and anxiety was taking on my mind, and the chaos with the new baby, I didn’t trust my own brain to make any solid decision. I spent nearly a day straight in tears, overwhelmed by stress and fear and exhaustion. Luckily, after a few days, my meds began to kick in.

So, after a few tearful and long nights, mulling the options in my mind, and trying to reconcile what makes sense in this sea of chaos and turmoil, I finally cast my vote. I told him that I thought he’d be better off seeking his own fortunes, and not working for anyone just yet. His agency option would be good for two years, after all, and all the positions he’d been interviewing for in this distant markets would probably still be there in a year. I asked for that, not only because I needed it, but because I felt like this was the right call for us.

Having come to a decision put the world in a bit of ease for us. Hardly an easy road for sure, but given the choices, nothing else really is either. Still, the opportunity to capitalize on the network he’s been building here shouldn’t be wasted. I’m cautiously optimistic, figuring that we can do this for a year, and if nothing else, we’ve got some money in savings to float us until something else works out. I need to feel like we’re standing on solid ground, before I lose my mind in the new chaos.