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If there’s one cliche about pregnancy that I can attest to, it’s the ability to cry about literally anything at the drop of a hat. Cute dog video on the internet? Tears. Kiddo sleeping peacefully in his bed? Silent cry. Thing I was holding falls on the ground (this happens a lot actually)? Ugly cry.

The hormone levels that fluctuate, especially in the third trimester are enough to bring down a horse. Or at least depress the fuck out of it. Now that I’m entering the last few weeks, I don’t even need a reason to cry. I have this sense of general unease that makes me feel weirdly detached for NOT being in tears all the damn time.

I will say, though, that there’s been a lot of tear-jerking moments, pregnant or not. The impending doom of my husband losing his job, the sudden upheaval in adding a fourth person to our home, the overwhelming fear of “what the fuck am I about to do?” and worrying if baby will be born happy and healthy (and maybe quickly, would be cool), all provoke tears easily.

The other factor to my onion-slicing mood is the fact that I live with clinical depression and am wont to drop tears normally, given most frustrations. I’m looking forward to delivering for that factor too: I get to go back on medication. I haven’t been able to take meds in a long time because of family planning measures, but now that I’m done with that I’m looking forward to normalizing a bit. Or at least being able to make it through my tumblr feed without having to stop scrolling to cry over cute doggies.