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A non-exhaustive list of inappropriate things said to me during my pregnancy:

  • You can definitely tell you’re pregnant. You’re fatter in your face and hips. (Um thank you?)
  • I like you better this way, more curves. (Ew?)
  • We thought you were too thin before. (So glad people are having such detailed opinions about my weight.)
  • We want to see if you have a bump yet. (Um, that’s not really an incentive to make me come a’runnin)
  • Let’s see the bump! I can usually tell what you’re having. (Um, pass…)
  • I’ve thought you were fatter for a few weeks now, but didn’t want to say anything. (You’re saying it now, though?)
  • You need to do something about your tatas. (Oh, I’ll just wave the magic wand and poof them away from your delicate eyeballs.)
  • Looks like you haven’t lost your appetite (after I finished my lunch, a reasonable portion of baked fish, mashed potatoes and wilted spinach, made by a person who ordered a single taco).
  • “HEY PREGNANT LADY!” (shouted at me across a parking lot by a pregnancy tourist, apparently, as I was just innocently trying to catch me some PokemonGo.)
  • Is (hajisaurus) showing yet? (asked to my husband by another friend’s husband via text message, thusly upping his creep factor by 1000.)