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I’m feeling so depressed lately. I think it’s just the time of year. My birthday is coming soon, and it always triggers my depression. For most of my life, my birthday was never about me.

I’m becoming more aware of what the beginning of depressive symptoms looks like for me. I feel like I’m a spectator in my own life, hovering on the outskirts of experience, looking in through the window. Reading lips through the glass, nodding along in time with the words. And when I go inside, it all goes sideways. No one knows how to deal with me. Not even myself. I’m everything and nothing. Potential unfurled in a chaotic display, damaging everything in sight.

I’m sure I’ll feel better once I get through the actual day itself, but right now I just feel yucky. Apologies to anyone who must suffer me IRL. 😦