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My husband bought me an ipod in a reality that seems to be millions of years away from where I am today. At the time, I still relied heavily on CD’s for music. The idea of having one for myself made little sense, because I’d just spent forever downloading our entire music library, disc by disc, into what was, at the time, the biggest one I could buy. Laughably, that device is long dead, and, very recently, his brother now joins him.

The ipod held for me, the prospect of podcasts, pandora, and my owned music, the potential for escape. When I had to travel, or move into an office with my impossible colleague, the ability to turn it on and not deal with the supposed humanity around me was vital to my mental health. It had all my playlists for the gym, songs I carefully selected and put in order to maximize my cardio output. It had the songs I was trying to learn to sing. It was my friend.

Then one day, it kept trying to turn itself off and back on again. I watched in dismay as this brilliant piece of electronics, the cornerstone of my mental well being, began to give up on me. It lasted a few days, like this, and I was in denial about it, hoping a hard reboot would solve the problem. But, after doing a factory reset, it was still happening. My dear friend was gone.

So now, I’m left to figure out what to do next. I did pull up my pandora on my work PC, but our network pings every few minutes to be just annoying enough to keep people from sucking up bandwidth for streaming music. Then I switched to podcasts, and having exhausted all the ones I wanted, and not really wanting to spend the time and effort to seek out new ones, I gave up on that too. Today, I recovered my old audible library and have been working my way through audiobooks, hoping that it will sustain me, but I fear that it will only work for so long. Sadly, I’m in desperate need of another iPod. Using my existing device, my iPhone, for music, isn’t feasible since so many other things, like phone calls and texts, come throughout the day, and I don’t want to bother people with those additional noises.

I realize how much of an old person I must sound like, forgoing my one solid device which does all things, for the thing that just did one or two of them without getting into that pesky phone call/communications device thing.  But, it was nice having a thing that just does the thing and not all that other stuff. I preferred going to the gym without my phone, having a few minutes of my life where someone couldn’t reach me. I liked being able to make playlists on it, stuff that was my own, not syncing to the cloud for all to see. And it was a lot smaller and thinner than my phone, mostly because my phone has to be encased in a thick otterbox case since my toddler realized what it can do. (He’s had this habit of stealing it and taking video of himself running away from me, laughing and giggling in that infectious toddler way.)

But, I’m not about to drop a huge wad on a device that I don’t really need. At least not right now. Maybe I’m still in mourning. It might just be too soon. 😦