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They say you shouldn’t date anyone you wouldn’t own a dog with. But I say take it slow. Start out with someone you wouldn’t kill a few hours babysitting a pet rock with. Best case scenario, a pet rock needs next to no direct supervision. *raises eyebrows suggestively* Worst case scenario, things go south, you still have a rock.

I say this having almost no real life dating experience whatsoever. I’ve been married so long that anything of value I knew about courtship is as outdated as the USSR entries in the Encyclopedia Britannica. Anything I’ve learned from modern day human interaction is cobbled together from the internet and something called ‘the real world.’

So don’t take it from me kids. I have no idea what I’m talking about!