It’s a lot to ask someone, to watch your child. At least for me. I have a lot of trust issues, obviously. But the realization of one I hadn’t previously understood came to me this morning as we discussed our current situation. The truth of the matter was we were really, really, really going to miss our little guy. There’s no way to get around the icky feeling from the moment we drop him off, knowing it will be the last time we’ll see him for a week.

Most of our time in the last few days has been spent trying to emotionally prepare ourselves for the time away. But as the zero hour approaches, it’s just a matter of letting go and allowing the framework we’ve built to do its job. This is why I suck at trust falls, by the way. I’ve never let go of anything that didn’t have claw marks all over it.

So the moment arrives, anticlimactic as possible. We get in the car and leave, neither of us is really talking, but we’re heavy with the same thoughts. Worry, sadness, trepidation about the unknowable. We don’t say it, but the two downed planes hang in our minds, wondering if we’d be just as unlucky as those poor souls who never got to see their loved ones again.

It’s unlikely, and irrational to think these thoughts, but with nothing but time before our flight, there’s little else for me to ponder. The act of travel is in itself a physical step back from one’s life, even for just a moment. Suddenly all the decisions I make come into question, the time for reflection is. Both a blessing and a curse.

Unlike other times of introspection, however, I feel happy about the direction my life has taken these days. Although I still struggle under the weight of my past, the people in my life, the “lucky” few help lessen the burden, and for that, I am grateful.