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Whenever I have to talk to the Tech Supprt person, I try not to sound like I’m one of “those people.” You know what I mean? The not “tech savvy.”

"Where's the 'ANY' key?"

“Where’s the ‘ANY’ key?”

For someone in my generation, to present one’s self as tech illiterate, you may as well just roll over and die. I was born and bred on technology. I can figure out most issues with a computer using basic common sense, deductive logic and a few rules I gleaned from the internet. When in doubt, google that shit!

But, sometimes I do something stupid. Something that I can’t control+Z my way out, so I’m forced to phone it in to tech support. I feel bad for people who work in tech support. They have to deal with just pure, unadulterated idiocy all day long. My complaint is now one of hundreds they have to wade through and solve one by one.

These folks must see so many tickets like this, I imagine...
These folks must see so many tickets like this, I imagine…

I want to present myself like I normally can handle a computer but I made a mistake that goes above my admin privileges. I spend the time waiting for the callback cleaning up my computer, because virtual company is remotely connecting and, much to my chagrin, it’s embarrassing to have them see my place a mess. Silly photos that are of a certain humor, probably NSFW? Deleted. Resume and Cover letter for job I’ve applied for still saved in My Documents? Bzzzt – Gone! Organize folders to make them look more respectable. Aaaand, now we wait.

windows doge

The call from Tech Support is promised within a certain time frame, so I wait, and watch my caller ID for the inevitable conversation. So I try to pepper the conversation with internet phrases to show them I’m cool. I use terms like “epic fail” and “for the win.” I bust out my best random “Y U No?!”

The tech support guy is unimpressed.

39215-grumpy-cat-no-RwoeLike so many of my relationships, I try to demonstrate basic competency, but spend most of the time apologizing. But he gives me the solution to my problem and sends me on my merry way.