I’m floating these days. After the realization I had the other day which lead me to my breakthrough, I’ve had a serious weight lifted from my shoulders. It’s been a strange feeling, feeling healthy. It’s foreign because I’ve always had something weighing down my brain with sadness or weakness or self-destruction.
The side effect of this has been a sort of mental block for my blog. I must confess that while I used to have days worth of material, the last few weeks I’m left wanting for something meaningful to say, other than “I’m good. Really, guys. I’m totally good.” What’s even more amazing is that I’ve maintained this feeling throughout some stressful stuff.
For example, I haven’t really posted about it, but my dad came to visit over the holiday weekend. It was extremely stressful at the time, because my boundaries were being tested and there was a lot of difficult emotions for me. I had some harsh memories dredge up after he left, and I cried and felt angry at the crap life I had growing up. But, I did stand up for myself and I didn’t let him push me around. I protected my son by establishing boundaries with behavior that was not acceptable.
After he left, I was able to relate my feelings and it was extremely validating for my husband to tell me that he felt the same way. It made me feel like I was approaching the situation the way a normal, healthy, well-adjusted person was and my boundaries were reasonable and valid. I’m so lucky to have him and people like him in my life. It helps to keep the ship steady.