Since becoming a parent, I’ve learned many ironies in the short weeks since my son was born.

  • Sleep will always be so readily on display in your arms but never within reach
  • Food will be hot, delicious, and unable to be touched
  • Baby will be peaceful and quiet until the moment you need to hear something, go to the bathroom or until you have the free minute to eat something
  • Baby’s stomach will be calm and settled until 30 seconds before you’re ready to walk out the door
  • Your child will fuss until sunrise, at which point you would trade your kidney for a few hours sleep. Once the sun comes up, he’ll be out like a light and you’ll be wide awake

Some other nuggets of wisdom I’ve come to realize are:

  • I’ve never been so happy to see anyone poop
  • I never thought I’d have to contemplate whether barf will wash out
  • I will never look at a shower, a toothbrush or a day out of the house as a luxury ever again

Don’t get me wrong, I love my son, and being a mommy has been awesome experience. But these silly things should be documented, because hopefully some day, they won’t be such an issue. It’s difficult to think that they will ever come to an end, but they have to, right? Right??