I heart fermented ales. My tastes are pretty broad, and I consider myself pretty adventurous in what I’ll try. But, there are some that even I shy away from. Here’s a quick list of descriptors that will make me turn up my nose.


Typically oysters are exclusive to stout. I acknowledge that the style probably refers to the use of the shells, but I’m still gunshy. The idea that real shellfish might be included turns my stomach and unfortunately, I’ll just pick something else that probably doesn’t contain mollusks.


Lately, the nation’s obsession with the most delectable of breakfast foods has reached levels of outright ridiculousness. I’ve seen bacon toothpaste, soap and mayonnaise. The attempt to integrate into beer is not only not necessary, but insulting to both things. Some things should be left to their blissful simplicity and not be forced into unsavory combinations for the sake of a fad.


I think this should go without saying. If you’re drinking Budweiser, Coors, or Miller, you’re drinking rice beer. It is nothing but a cost-saving measure that sacrifices flavor and makes for a crappy beer. The reason it has to be served so cold is because the warmer beer tastes even more unpalatable. Nothing makes me want to consume it, and I’ll just as soon take a water instead.


Again, this is another stout style that turns me off. I normally wouldn’t drink milk on a regular basis, as I just don’t care for it. There’s a type of stout that uses lactose, or milk sugar, as the fermentable. As fas as I know, it doesn’t taste like milk, but I just don’t like the idea. The same goes for cream ales.


I’m not a sufferer of celiac disease, so I can indulge in as much wheat and barley as I want. When I see a gluten-free option, I have the same reaction as I do to sugar free candy. It’s something along the lines of, “oh, that’s not really intended for me, so I have to save it for the other people who need it.” As irrational as it sounds, I just don’t go there because there’s so many other options.


Unlike vegetables or fruit or other produce, organic beer feels like a reminder of something I don’t want to think about. Organic ale is the dreadlocked chick at the party who ruins everyone’s good time by harping on for an hour about some obscure environmental issue. It’s difficult enough to get hand crafted ales to market, having organic as an option feels like a gimmick. I’ve never had a really amazing beer and went “yes, but is it organic?”