After yesterday’s bit of heartbreak, I’ve been feeling a bit down and not really wanting to deal with the universe today. My anxiety was already running high when I woke up to a thunderstorm rolling through this morning. As I went about my day, the moments of difficult breathing became more frequent when I realized I had a social engagement on my work calendar for this afternoon. I began dreading it, fearful of spending time with people who had hurt me and how uncomfortable it would have been.
As the time approached to leave, I could barely breathe. I just wanted to crawl under my desk and hide. But, this was an event that I was expected to go to, and my boss had reiterated that sentiment, so that means I must go. I waited to walk over until I was sure there would already be a good crowd and then left. Of course, before I left, one of the hens in my office was clucking about how she hadn’t been invited. I told her she should come anyway, but she refused. Then she talked my ear off for 20 minutes about something completely unrelated before I could leave.
As I entered the building, I saw a friend on her way out. She was so sweet and said some very nice things to me. Then she asked if we could get together for tea or coffee next week to catch up. After being betrayed by supposed friends before, it was nice to have someone reach out and offer something to make me feel loved. At the event, I was immediately greeted by another colleague whom I like very much. She was so happy to see me, it was almost like being on another planet. I suppose that being treated badly by the people who had hurt me had made me forget that there are genuinely good people in my life. I began to remember that I am worth liking and being around.
I spent a good bit chatting with her, and then saw a few more friends who were just as nice. Overall, my anxiety was unfounded, and being sore from the previous burns was keeping me from seeing the opportunities to still enjoy myself. It was a nice reminder that I am human, still worthy of friendship and that those who had wronged me were the bad eggs. It’s difficult to keep that in my mind, with all the usual self loathing and depressive thoughts that go on in there. But, I’m trying.