Since I had my little heart problem a few weeks ago, I’ve had to make some adjustments. I’ve completely weened myself from caffeine, which has been heart-breaking for me. I was so reliant on having the energy boost that I’m just not sure how to function most days.

I used to have one large cup of coffee in the morning, which my husband ground the beans each day. It was strong, heavenly and most importantly, uplifting. I would be humming along until at least 10:00 and getting more shit done than most people around me.

After the coffee wore off, I’d crack into an energy drink of some kind. I had a few favorites, Red Bull was expensive, but they made some generics which I also enjoyed. I could get them for like a dollar at the grocery store. In delicious flavors like mixed berry, orange and cherry, it was almost too easy to finish them off simply because they tasted good. I would pour them over ice and sip them to savor the yummy productivity in a glass for the rest of the day.

Of course, on weekends, energy drink was a necessity. The only way I can get through a whole round of golf without getting cranky was to have at least one can with me. I just get worn out too easily. I often had too much to get done in far too little time, failure wasn’t an option.

But, now that I’ve had to completely swear it off, it’s like the remote is stuck in slow-motion and I’m totally drained. I wake up exhausted, and cry softly at the knowledge that I can’t take anything to help me. I forget sometimes, and grab some chocolate, not realizing there is a tiny bit of caffeine in there and then my heart starts pounding.

I guess I had to give it up at some point, but I always thought I’d be able to have it for just another few years before my body crapped out on me. I feel like Dorothy leaving Oz to go back to Kansas. Red Bull, I think I’ll miss you most of all.