During a particularly tearful session with my therapist yesterday, one in which we both cried (I swear, I didn’t hit him, you guys!), he asked me who reads my blog. I know what he was asking, if my family reads it, considering I’m estranged from most of them. I thought about it for a bit. While it is likely that a web search could turn it up, should they be so inclined (read: obsessed on extracting revenge), it was not likely. Even if they did read it, considering the current situation, I don’t have much left to lose. I mean, really, what are the gonna do? Not talk to me even harder? Awesome.

I imagine them, sitting pouty-faced in the corner, arms folded, cheeks puffed out as they hold their breath, fuming in anger until they pass out. Then I laugh and move on, because although that’s something my brother did when he was a kid, it wasn’t likely that they would do it now. But, after the tears were dry from my session, I realized he was asking out of concern for my privacy or attempting to protect me from them. A little late for that, buddy.

But then I did think about it, considering how the web was abuzz a few months back about all those privacy laws they’re trying to pass, people are probably monitoring my actions. I know this is probably true, based on the magnitude of my awesomeness (it’s at maximum, in case you were wondering) and the very important issues I post about, like Draw Something, recipes for bread, and lamenting my shitty childhood.

Then I think about the poor federal agent that would be unfortunately assigned to me. I imagine some bright-eyed, entry level, go-out-and-change-the-world young kid, fresh out of the academy. Perusing his assignment links, he probably thinks Hajisaurus is a code for a terrorist sleeper cell or something, he clicks the site link and finds this hot mess. Oh boy, do you have a crappy assignment, kiddo!

This post is an open letter to the hypothetical FBI/CIA agent that is possibly tasked with tracking my movements and therefore my blog. He probably couldn’t acknowledge me back, not wanting to blow his cover or deviate from protocol. But he’s doing a good job because I suspect nothing. Except this hypothetical scenario. *wink*