“Needing anything from others that you have no control over receiving — things like validation, praise, gratitude, acceptance, encouragement, and attention, for example, drains your energy and leaves you feeling powerless. When you realize, however, that is a choice to need those things, you can then choose to let any one of those needs go. It’s no more complicated than flipping a switch: you used to need it; now you don’t.”
I recently received the previous quote in one of those motivational emails that you can sign up for. Most of the time, it’s so syrupy sweet, I laugh a bit to myself, mutter “yeah right!” and then promptly delete it. Sometimes, though, we get a gem like this, one with real truth and meaning and it makes you stop and think.
How many times have I done exactly this, seeking some kind of outside validation that I really don’t need. What I lack in confidence and surefooted-ness, I make up for by seeking out those who would build me up. Or at least, that was the old saurus.
I am doing my best to follow the letter of this advice from some disembodied email voice. It is true, that you can decide not to need that kind of emotional feedback from your relationships. However, the trick is to have your own confidence built up so that when you find yourself feeling needy, you have something to fill the void.