I didn’t rest very well last night. As I descended into what I hoped would be a peaceful night’s sleep, I instead dreamt of being accosted and the assaulted by someone who has been a great source of frustration in my waking life. I startled myself awake, heart thumping in my chest. The rest of the night didn’t go much better.
I awoke feeling consumed with negativity, knowing I would be venturing into yet another day in an exceedingly toxic environment. Though I tried to rally and stay focused, I never really got anywhere. I did manage to get some work accomplished, I left the day feeling defeated.
I’ve been working on some heavy emotional stuff, seeing a therapist and trying to be a better person. But, as with any type of psychological work, the experience can be discomforting, even painful, which is really just evidence that you’re getting somewhere. Right now, I’m in the thick of it.
I came home after recounting a particularly painful experience to find some neighborhood kids playing basketball in the spot where I usually park. The awkward saurus wasn’t sure how to handle the request to move along and not mess up my car, but luckily my husband was right there to stir up trouble with them for me.
After being sassed by these kids, who felt no need to be respectful of community space, personal property nor the proper way to address an adult, we descended further into more negativity until I just couldn’t deal anymore. Eventually we finished dinner, blood sugars stabilized, and regained some sense of normalcy. But we’ve resolved to try better tomorrow, because frankly I can’t deal with another day like this.