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My dad is a special breed. Ask him yourself, he’ll tell you the same. According to him, human kind as we know it was “tampered with” by an alien race millions of years ago. By his logic and reckoning, he is the direct descendant of what he calls “star children.” And, by proxy, so am I.

Since he survived a major brush with death a few years back, his brain hasn’t quite been wired the same way. I imagine that in the starving anemia, the brain ditched huge chunks of memory in the hopes of keeping the programs to breathe intact.  After he pulled through, he was different, defiantly anti-religious.

For me, who was raised by the PTSD-addled catholic, it was nothing short of ironic. When I was a kid, he rolled out to the corner store with an open container of cheap swill, coasting the aging car on fumes and getting visually torn up about how the baby Jesus was born to bear the sins of the world. The same man who banned the Nintendo game Kid Icarus because the save codes were called “Sacred Words” and the shows “The Simpsons,” “Married with Children,” and “The Golden Girls,” the latter because “Blanche was a whore.”

During the course of his illness, he was so anemic from the tumor that he passed out at a blood draw at the doctor’s office. While under, the details follow the standard out of body experience rhetoric. For a year, it was all he could talk about.

What the tumor could not extinguish was his sense of humor. A fundamental brain deformity we share that runs so deep, it is seated next to breathing. While going through some papers, I stumbled upon the following:

Tis the season! Depending on where you hail from, Santa was born, er wait that’s wrong, oh yeah, a kid from a space alien was born and he immediately told everyone that you gotta give lots of money to the local economy will get a boost. Then he turned one of the shepherds into a fat jolly guy and sent him to Siberia. Here he had all the help he needed to make things thanks to Stalin.
Then when it was cool he went to visit the pyramids. Later he came back to found the first Zombie Cult. But it was the Aztecs who invented poinsettas.
True History Dad

Ah, yes. Take it all in. This accompanied a check, which he could ill afford. I wish he would know that the humor of the silly post alone was worth more than any amount of money he could send me.