Awesome brother moments

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When I learned I was going to have another baby, aside from being over the moon with happiness, a dark worry began to invade my thoughts. What if my sons don’t like each other? What if one likes the other, but it’s not mutual? How can I mitigate all the damage with sibling rivalry?

I did my best to brace my older son for the arrival of his brother, and to his credit, he handled it beautifully. It wasn’t the easiest time in our lives, being tired all the dang time, trying to figure out the future, and stave off my fears. And when the time came, I had to let go of my need for control and hope for the best.

And, to their credit, my sons like each other. A lot! Once we got our night routines down, our older son would greet his brother like the rest of us each morning. He’d ask for the baby to lay next to him in his bed, bring toys for him to share, and just wants to be close to him. In return, the baby thinks he hung the moon, saving all his biggest smiles for his big brother.

My heart soars when I see them together, and when we can cuddle together as a unit, I’m at my happiest. I have to brag, because it gives me such joy. It validates my decision to extend our family, but also shows me that maybe I’m not a complete fuckup as a parent, and I might have done an okay job raising these guys. But most of all, it gives me a moment of gratitude in a world of uncertainty and ugliness.

Another year of blogging

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The renewal notice for my blog showed up in my email, right on schedule. It renews automatically, and I didn’t really think anything of renewing it. When I started writing online, I was in a dark place emotionally. My family issues, which I’ve posted about extensively, were coming to a head and I needed someplace I could scream about it into the void. I don’t use my name or pictures of myself on the blog because I need this to be semi-anonymous. Writing is part of my catharsis, so I keep the blog up for my own reasons. Some of the people in my life who know about it will occasionally ask I make any profit from it and when I say I don’t, offer suggestions on ways to do it. Frankly, I’m not really interested in that. Having been down the road of trying to make money from my “talents” or “hobbies” hasn’t worked out for me. It takes away the joy I get from the activity if I have to do it for someone else’s dime.

So, as we move through another year, I’m proud that I’ve been able to keep this blog going for as long as I have, without missing much more than a day or two here and there. I’m grateful for my followers who keep visiting. I notice the stats when I login each time, and am happy when people seem to enjoy coming. A lot of my post hits are from the Draw Something archives, but there’s been some good stats around the Mudita post, which is pretty neat.

So, I’ll keep going, I suppose. I have been putting delayed posts in from my maternity leave so that I can push through the exhaustion, depression and anxiety that I’m working through. I’m muddling my way through this new territory and trying to figure out who I even am anymore. So much of my life has changed since I became a mother, and I lament the loss of sleep, but not much else.

Thanks for reading, guys. I appreciate each and everyone of you tiny little goofballs. ❤

dang it all to heck

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Uh…sorry (again) for the double post yesterday. Guess my careful attempts to keep these on the regular schedule have been twarted again my inability to wordpress effectively…

I’m going to go through the scheduled posts and double check again. Until then, please accept my apologies for content related nonsense and my gratitude for your patience.

blar de blar de blar…

No knead beer bread

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I found this recipe from a post on Reddit. I was trying to find a way to use up the last of my non-alcoholic beer from my pregnancy, so I was excited to find a way that let us all enjoy it.

Ingredients:

  • 1 packet of bread yeast
  • 1 tbsp white sugar
  • 1/2 cup water (~100 degrees F)
  • 1 bottle of beer (N/A Kalibur in this case)
  • 4 1/2 cups all purpose flour
  • 2 tsp salt
  • 2 tbsp cornmeal
  • Additional flour for dusting (about two tbsps)

Combine hot water, sugar and yeast in large bowl until frothy and aromatic. Add beer, flour and salt to bowl and mix until combined. Dough should be thick, sticky and pull away from the sides of the bowl.

Cover and let rise for about two hours or until doubled in size. Scrape the dough down from the sides and place onto a well floured surface. Flour the top of the dough and form into loaf shape (or break into two smaller loaves, which I could easily have done with this recipe)

Sprinkle baking sheet with cornmeal and transfer loaf(ves) to baking sheet. Sprinkle additional flour on top and cover loosely with a towel. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. place a small loaf pan of warm water on lower rack to humidify the oven. Let loaf(ves) rise for 30-40 minutes then cut slit down the top of the loaf(ves) with a sharp knife. Bake approximately 35 minutes or until loaf is golden brown. Transfer to cooling rack and allow to cool completely before slicing.

Enjoy!

a fond farewell to maternity leave

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I’m about to go back to work and I’m truly bummed about it. This was my last pregnancy, and having the time home with the baby this time around, I feel so calm and at peace with my world. Sure, bringing a new life into this world is an exercise in controlled chaos, but it’s something I know I can survive and so it’s not so bad.

I have no idea what work will be like when I return. I know that my stress levels have been crazy and I’m so worked up about figuring out a new routine. I wish I had more time. Twelve weeks flew by so fast.

The last three months have been the best of my life so far. While it hasn’t been easy, I’m at peace with the way my family feels whole now and I have so much love in my heart. I’m less stressed than I thought I would be, thanks in part to the prozac, and also to the added support of my husband’s inexplicable job loss. I’m so sad to see it go.

Sleep Vikings

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I think every parent has moments where they contemplate the grass is greener scenario for the things their children haven’t yet figured out. For the colicky child, the parents wish for an easily soothed baby. For the fussy eater, the parents wish for a kid who’ll eat anything. For me, I yearn for sleep.

If you’ve read my blog, you’ll likely already be aware of how little sleep we get in our house. My first born child was never a good sleeper. As soon as I discovered the beauty of melatonin laced honey cough syrup, I’d been using it as a crutch to help my child get on a sleep schedule. Judge if you want, but it worked for us.

When the second child came, we vowed not to make the same mistakes with sleep training that we did the first time. Luckily, the baby is a pretty good sleeper to begin with, so we’ve had pretty good success in that arena so far. One night, they both slept all night long, and I woke feeling like a million bucks. I know this isn’t going to last, but damn it feels good to get one good night.